Piano Juggler

This guy is pretty amazing. juggler.wmv

DUI Stop

1 – 2 – 3 cha cha cha...... this is funny (Thanks to Steve)
DUIStop.wmv

The Amazing Bounce Dryer Sheet

And all this time you've just been putting Bounce in the dryer!

> > > It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them. It also
repels mice.. spread them around foundation areas, or in trailers or
cars that are sitting and it keeps mice from entering your vehicle.

> > > It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don't get
opened too often.
View_entire_list.doc

The Red States and The Blue States

Now this I understand.

Queen Exposed To More Than She Expected

Having one's picture taken sitting next to the Queen is usually no sniggering matter.

Particularly when it's an official photograph of the battalion in full uniform
and Her Majesty is there in her role as commander of the armed forces.

But Colonel Simon West didn't appear to be taking the occasion too seriously yesterday.

In his cap, jacket and spats, his hands on his knees and his ankles crossed,
he sat proudly in the front row of the 1st Battalion of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders,
next to the Queen.

But unlike his comrades, he hadn't taken the time to adjust his sporran and kilt for decency.

And judging by the grin on his face, the colonel knew exactly what he was doing.

queen_kilt.jpg

Jumper

A police officer sent this to me. It is not for the faint of heart. If
you have a weak stomach, then don't look at the URL. It is a picture of
the demise of a suicide jumper taken shortly after he landed. It shows him
with his insides now on the outside. You will see the look of horror on the
faces of the bystanders. The faces of the bystanders is why I believe this
is real.


http://home.att.net/~songs2/Jumper.jpg

Florida's New Voting Machines

Now I understand how Bush won Florida so easily this time.Voting_Machine.wmv

Interesting Useless Facts

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body
to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
View entire list

Red Sox Nike Commercial

This is a great commercial, sort of like an animated Norman Rockwell painting. Here is the commercial.

Bush Flips the Bird

I like a president with a good sense of humor.

Beam Me Up Scotty: Shatner Wants to Fly In Space For Real

Space cadet William Shatner has signed up to fly on Virgin Galactic's virgin flight in 2008. (Thanks to Yahoo!)

Life

You love someone.
You work hard.
You hope that you keep your health.
And in the end,
you hope you have someone who loves you too.

Why Men Are just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name
stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of
themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president.
You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water
park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell
you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to
another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You
don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000.
Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking
to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood - all the
time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff
about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open
all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can
still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack. Three pairs
of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in
public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your
face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe
decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big
hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do"
your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning
growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Intel Pulls Plug on 4-Gigahertz Chip

There is a limit after all! The new "dual core" chip does sound cool though. (Thanks to USA Today)

Bush vs Bush

Navigate through the video clips until you see Bush vs Bush. You won't be disappointed. (Thanks to Emily)

Furniture Sex

This is hilarious! (and well done). Must have Macromedia Flash player to view (download it... it's free)

The Challenge

Gotta love those Australian girls.beer.wmv

Asteroid Comes Within a Million Miles of Earth

An asteroid named for a Celtic god of war will come as close to Earth this week as it has since 1353.

The space rock known as Toutatis will come on Wednesday within 960,000 miles of Earth, relatively close by cosmic standards, Astronomy Magazine said in an e-mailed statement on Monday.

Toutatis poses no danger to Earth. However, if it did hit our planet, it would create a blast with the energy equivalent to 1 million ton of TNT.

Measuring about 3 miles by 1.5 miles, Toutatis will speed by Earth at 22,000 miles per hour.

This asteroid makes a roughly four-year trip around the sun that swings from just inside Earth's orbit to outside the orbit of Mars. Because both Earth and Toutatis are in continual motion, the distance between them at closest approach every four years varies greatly.

Christmas Cheer

Here's a great card to send to friends for the holidays.

Cool Honda Commercial

This commercial was all done in one take (no cuts or edits). However it did take a couple of hundred takes to get it right. All the parts used were from two brand new dismantled Hondas. Check it out (with sound if you got it).

Christina Stripped

Check out this Kodak ad (obviously not from this country)

Bush vs. Kerry

The animation in this is awesome! It takes a couple of seconds, but totally worth the wait.
Way better if you have audio! (Thanks to JibJab)

Create Your Own Font

It's amazing... Fontifier will get back to you in seconds once you send them your scanned file. Try it!

Falling Teddy Bears

Don't worry; no Teddy Bears were injured in the making of this...

Once the page has downloaded, move your mouse over the bears.
Watch them, it's mindless, but cute.

Secret Worlds: The Universe Within

This really puts things into perspective. Fascinating and beautiful.
(Thanks to Emily)

Alzheimer's Test

Count the "F's" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT
OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED
WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEAR

How many F's are there?   Did you guess right?

The reasoning behind it?

Wok Charred Mahi Mahi, from Kauai

A delicacy on the island of Kauai
The sauce for the wok charred mahi mahi... It's a lime ginger
beurre blanc. The components are: butter, heavy cream, red ginger
and lemon juice (I have no idea where the lime works into this formula...
I think just in the name!) I suppose you could adapt the recipe and add
lime juice but this could bitter the flavor a bit much. I did see the chef
at A Pacific Cafe use kefir lime leaf occassionally. Perhaps this works
into the recipe that I'm not aware of.

A Message From George Carlin (His wife died recently)

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
Read the whole message

Mr. Griver

I called my local video store the other day to reserve a movie.

"Do you have the new Sean Penn movie Mystic River?" I asked.

The woman at the store said she had never heard of it.

"Are you sure it stars Sean Penn? she asked.

"Yes" so I spelled it, "M-Y-S-T-I-C R-I-V-E-R?"

"Oh Mystic River!!! I thought you were saying Mr. Griver."

"I WAS saying Mystic River!"

"Oh sure, we have that."

Where is Chechnya anyway?

Deadlock: Russia's Forgotten War

In the breakaway Russian republic of Chechnya, Russia says it is fighting against terrorism. Chechen rebels say they are fighting for independence. The outcome seems to be ongoing misery for the war-ravaged region -- a cycle of violence where brutality seems to have no limit, and surrender is not an option. (Thanks to CNN)

For those of you having trouble finding it on a map, this may help.

Anza Borrego

Anza Borrego Desert bloom - April 2004
"With over 600,000 acres, Anza-Borrego Desert State Park is the largest state park in the contiguous United States. 500 miles of dirt roads, 12 wilderness areas and miles of hiking trails provide visitors with an unparalleled opportunity to experience the wonders of the Colorado Desert."

2003 Darwin Awards

The 2003 Darwin Award Winner:

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions..................................
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and lost his finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
******************************
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
*****************************
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harareto beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
******************************
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
******************************
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
******************************
A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying
a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is
still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall
engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
****************************
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole
event was caught on videotape.
******************************
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the
purse from."
******************************
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 am flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without
a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******************************
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to
a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.

Welcome!

Welcome to Surrealweb, a place to enjoy the sublime.